WILMINGTON CITY, IOWA – A Wilmington City couple have taken legal action against a pacer for allegedly setting too fast a pace on a steep climb of nearly fifty feet over two miles, the lone uphill section of the Hawkeye Hundred. Lucius and Judy Poke, of the 400 block of Burke Rd., are claiming they asked William Bliss, neighbor and veteran marathon runner, to assist Lucius in the final 40 miles of the grueling 100 mile footrace, and that his blistering pace – estimated between 14:30 and 15:20 minutes per mile – ultimately caused Lucius to drop from the race. Under Iowa law, runners are responsible for the actions of their pacers, so the Pokes will be taking themselves to court. “It was unexpected,” said Judy of the legal twist, “but we’ve decided to move forward with the suit. Bill nearly killed my Loosh with that pace, and the people responsible need to be held to count [sic]. Loosh ain’t no spring chicken no more, you know. He got the gout.”

The popularity of one hundred mile races has grown in recent years, says veteran race director, Jim Acetone. “We’ve got a lot of new runners signing up for these things fresh off the heady rush of the local 5- and 10-K finish lines. They put a strain on the pacer population, and it’s not like pacers are the cream of the crop to begin with. But ol’ Loosh drew a bad one, no question.”

Convalescing at home, Lucius Poke described a hellish journey at the hands of a sadistic pacer. “I wanted to walk, but he just kept going. He even said encouraging things to me. Before that, I never paid no mind to what Reverend Bea said about pacing, but now I’m a believer. He said we are brought into this world with two legs and not four, that pacing is not in accordance with God’s design. It is evil.” Pointing to the ice packs on both knees and a bottle of ibuprofen on the end table next to him, Poke went on to say, “It took this to make me see the light.”

Further complicating an already murky legal matter, witnesses claim they saw Bliss double dip a boiled potato in the salt bowl at the mile 67 aid station, which if true, constitutes a felony. “A pacer shouldn’t be eating them taters no how,” said race volunteer Irma Windsock. “It’s in the Bible. Leviticus, I believe. Look it up.” Police have yet to decide whether or not to make any arrests related to the potato incident. Bliss claims to have accidentally dropped the potato the second time as a result of being hit in the head by a two-pound rock thrown by anti-pacing demonstrators at the aid station. “If we determine a crime has been committed, then under state law, Mr. Poke is the responsible party and will probably go to prison. It’s up to the district attorney’s office at this point,” said a police spokesperson.

This is not the first time pacers have been involved in legal trouble in Lyon county. In 1982, three pacers got ahead of their runners during the Big Mud 50 and out of “sheer boredom,” said one, built a low-income housing complex without filing the proper zoning applications. “People ought to run under their own steam,” says then district attorney, Oliver Flatt. “When they don’t, affordable housing is just one of the many potential consequences.”

Mike Spackle, a self-described pacer-in-recovery and author of "You Can Go It Alone: My Life After Pacing" and "Pick It Up A Bit: What Pacers Don’t Want You to Know," had this to say about pace crimes: “It’s a dirty little secret within the pacing community. They don’t just stop at encouragement. I knew some to go so far as to offer sound tax advice and financial planning services between aid stations. No one hears about it because there’s an unwritten law that what is said on the trail stays on the trail. It’s this kind of bloated do-gooder attitude which undermines rugged individualism. Freedom dies a little with every step a pacer takes.”

Calls placed to Pacers’ Rights International went unanswered. A spokesperson for the National Association Society for a Reasonable Pace and Good Financial Planning responded via email to say only, “Start slow and keep your receipts.”

Lucius Poke says he has learned his lesson, and that he hopes to put the matter behind him soon.“We’re hoping to come to some kind of settlement before this goes to trial, but it’s like negotiating with a brick wall,” said a visibly despondent Poke. “It turns out I’m a real bastard to deal with and I haven’t been able to make myself budge on the question of damages. An apology just ain't enough." Judy added, "the legal bills are getting pretty complicated at this point.” The Wilmington City Elks Club has set up two separate legal funds for the Pokes’ mounting legal fees, one each for their dual role as both plaintiffs and defendants. “We want them to know we’re behind them all the way on this thing,” said Elk president, Lester Butts. “Pacers are a scourge on this country, and it’s time the good people of Wilmington City made a stand.”