MIDDLE INCOME RICHARD'S
webzine published every now and again
via the Internet, which should, in the
thousand years, save a few wads of paper
and spare a whole bunch of
31, Spring 2006
In the 6th year of the 21st
© 2006 Rich
Everybody wants to be
on "Reality TV"
Including Osama bin Laden's
webzine is mostly
supposed to disturb
you enough so you'll
start thinking about
what's going to come
Please send editorial material, immaterial, ads,
and everything else to:
Baud, what frauds these e-bytes be!
Then you can click on this for
the genuine stuff:
*Yes, there she is, Ms. Wafah Dufour Bin Ladin, who last year,
rather scantily--if at all--clad, posed for GQ magazine and now
wants to continue on her "quest for stardom" via some sort of American reality
TV show--based, naturally, on her own life. Ms. Dufour, who says she has
officially dropped those rather infamous last two words from her last name, is
in fact the daughter of Public Enemy Number One's half-brother Yeslama and
Carmen Bin Ladin, whose last names are spelled a bit differently from
So far we don't
know what will be the broadcast vehicle of choice to catapult herself into
"stardom," but according to her publicist ReganMedia President Judith Regan,
"her story will bridge the gap that people feel exists between the cultures she
has lived in."
We're thinking the
mini series ought to be a cross between "The Bachelorette" and "The Amazing
Race." How about this for a concept: "Which of 24 available single
American commercial pilots will Osama's niece choose to hop on a plane and get
the hell out of the country with just as fast as she can?"
it, "The Dare We Spring Her
rare - wisdom - and - fluff
e r y t h i n g - e l s e Spring(er)!
b p on scrolli
s page numbers are no longer
everything is all on one
"Feetures" in this issue
a) Osama-mama, where ya Bin
b) "Forgotten Dead
President's" Long Overdue Birthday Party
e) Twin Opinions on Spring
f) Kermit Jagger, what a toadal bastard!
g) Yankee Folly of the
i) <updated> Media
j) Must-Clicks & Free
k) Video/JavaJive (free "movie"
l) Dept. of Bumper
m) c. c. ceesonal
n) Vertical Cartoon
o) Twin Brilliance in U.S. Leadership
p) Trillion Bucks Ultra
Photo ID Quiz (and Helpful Counterfeit
s) Today's Recommended Websites
t) Great White Hunter with "Extras"
u) The Twin-Headed Snake
( Q_Q )
How in the World Could We Have Missed
most strangely distant cousin Middle Income Richard now wishes his dear old
forefather dude a very happy belated birthday. Mid Inc Rick woulda "been
there and done that" a heckuva lot sooner, except for this MAJOR
technological breakdown [including, but not limited to:
switching phone and/or ISP companies, installing--or attempting to--this
here new whiz-bang DSL service, and ultimately now entering into a serious,
though pleasant, major symbiotic professional relationship to put this
entire dubious "penny almanack" on-line, into a website, and available to
the throngs and multitudes 24/7 for the rest of eternity]. M.I. Rick's not
sure whether his great-great-great-etc. strange Unc would be pleased, but surely
"the spirit of invention" still thrives today as it doubtless did then...
but even Rick has to admit: Franklin's press, postal service, lending
library, kite, and stove were one helluva lot simpler concepts to manage than
deciphering HTML language to plop new poop on the Internet.
Here, for the
record, is the exact date on which the great man was born: January 17,
1706. So today this makes our pseudo dead prez* on the hundred buck bill a
fraction over 300-1/6th years old!
M.I. Rick would
therefore like to e-mail something else "Uncle Ben" never heard of (a
(Click on "Learn about Ben")
here's further sampling of "technological breakdown" (call it clerical
oversight...probably) -- the type of which Ben Franklin also never experienced;
but, we're guessing, stupid typesetters abounded even in his day. Imagine
"publishing" an entire "website" conceived and dedicated to the tercentennial
celebration on one man's birthday... and then NEVER STATING the exact date of
You think we're
Closest date we see there is 1-18-06,
which is wrong!
All right. Since nobody's old enough to remember anyway, let's
just dig on some of the still-preserved rap the original ol' fat "Great One"
spouted "back in the day":
(It's a webpage
full of his quotes. We like the last one at the bottom of the
all the "historically challenged" out there, here's a jive-talkin' big bucks
hint: Ben Franklin, though dead, was never a
And Now For All You "Irish" Out There
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish
countryside except for a pet dog that he had for a long time.
finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying, "Father, the dog is
dead. Could you possibly be sayin' a Mass for the poor
Father Patrick told the farmer, "No, we cannot be havin'
services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what: there is
this new denomination down the road a ways--and no tellin' what they
believe in--and so maybe they will do somethin' for the animal."
said, "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to
donate for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Why didn't you be
tellin' me the dog was Catholic!"
--Thanks be goin' out to Greg Valent for this wee bit o' blarney
(ha ha) IN:
publication in the Best New Poets of 1988, page 148,
one of those
"prizewinning" national poetry contest publications where,
if you agree ahead of
time to buy the book,
you "win" the national
prize of having your poem published.
I DO MY DOO IN A PRIVATE
By C. C. Writers
I do my doo in a private
I certainly don't wish to discredit
Man has a babit of saving his
So I do my doo in the private
I do my work in a working
I don't prefer making it a federal
Or have my financing fall from
So I do my work in the working
I chomp my chow in an eating
I never allow morsels to go to
Actually I have rather demanding
So I chomp my chow in the eating
I snooze at night in a sleeping
I simply can't afford to continue
Naturally I never insist on a bed of
But I do have to have my sleeping
I sent this poem to the sending
After I wrote it down in the working
And talked it over at the eating
And slept on it some at the sleeping
Long after I thought it up in the
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
What's Wrong With This
[hint: it was taken during
This, according to the Associated Press
[thanks for letting MIR borrow, BTW ;] and launched over the whole wide world
via Yahoo! and the Internet, is a photograph taken around the time of spring
break in no other place on the planet than Milner Library on the campus of
Illinois State University. Well, dang! ISU happens to be Mid Inc
Rick's alma mater!
So, a coupla footnotes may be
1. This is a new Milner
Library. The old one where Rick hung out might be rubble by now, no thanks
to Rick and the hippie/yippie protest movements of the '60s.
2. Rick never saw anybody in Milner
Library during spring break. And certainly never any body like
3. Those weird machines on the tabletops
must also be new. Rick never saw them "back in the day," and STILL has no
clue what the hell they are.
4. Why is this chick not doing her
work? [And where are her: books, notes, papers, pencils, piercings, and
5. And finally, when "illustrious"
alumnus Middle Income Richard tried to e-mail a free webzine subscription to all
the old gang at I-State? They said: "No thanks. Please remove
us from your distribution list. We don't want our Inboxes full of
What's Right With This
[also snapped during
"Beer is proof that God
loves us and wants us to be happy."
Let's Get Back
to the Irish Green of Springtime:
Our Hero, Mick Jagger, at the Academy Awards... toading along with
...the very latest in babymaking machinery.
that is just TOAD-ally too cute!
Nah, we mean this:
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + +
Our Hero pointing the
finger of paternity at somebody else!
frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a
looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name
is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger; and that it's okay, he knows the
explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,
about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly
confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager
and disappears into a back office.
finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there
who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use
this as collateral." She
holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
bank manager looks back at her and says...
a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling
--captured off the Internet
and sent in by Ida Hey
Have a nice spring break!
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
from the Internet:
"When we drink, we get
drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So,
let's all get drunk and go to
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
Yankee Folly of the
do you know about Ben Franklin?
it was a wonderful dime store. We used to go there all the time as kids
and spend our allowance money. They had great little toys and
things. But I think most of the Ben Franklins are gone
[last time] of great
Hollywood is now making an X-men sequel!!!
[Go ahead, take one good guess what Rebecca
Romijn-Ex-Stamos is wearing]
Also, Ain't a Limo about the Same as a
He: What's the difference
wedding and an Irish wake?
She: One less drunk.
Everytime's Repeated Media
It's no secret that one of America's most
founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin, got his first real
in the media by not pandering to the tastes of those
stodgy publishers of his time, but by coming up with
completely different all on his own. He published
a simple one-page
annual periodical called "Poor Richard's
Almanack" and sold it along the
streets and rivers of the
colonies for a penny apiece. And it thrived
as a business
for the next twenty-five years. So now, some
seventy-odd years later, you get "Middle Income
Third Millennium Almanack" soon to be selling
Java-streams of the Internet for a buck a copy,
especially now that it's been miraculously, and
installed on a website. And for that Mid
Inc Rick owes a
huge debt of gratitude to D.C. Lundell and
owners and founders
So far, for the past umpteen
issues, this e-rag's been free.
But before the next umpteen are published,
particular freedom of yours might somehow be taken
and you'll be asked to surrender as many as
twelve U.S. dollars,
via credit card or otherwise, to the dictatorial parent
called C. C.
Writers, at P.O. Box 963, Matteson, IL 60443 USA.
In the meantime, however, please don't
take all this
technological wizardry for
granted. You have our permission
and supplications to continue sending in
your cards, letters,
ads, "subtracts," encouragements,
detractions, and good ol'
coin o' the
realm in the form of U$A
one-dollar bills to
above-mentioned post office box; and you're also invited to
thoroughly search through everything
offered by MIR's
the Zombies, on their truly awesome
of course, Uncle Ben Franklin's weird
and most strangely
distant cousin M.I. Richard thanks you
Oh, and keep thinking "green" to
help save our environment
"Only two concepts
I'm pretty sure of: perdition and taxation, and I ain't all that positive
about the first."
--Mid Ink Rick
/ / \ \ /
/ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \
More Franklin-like Wisdom from Yet
Another Dead Man:
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
[start] * * * * * * Must-Click Links * * *
* * * *
Hey, if you're still runnin'...
(and ya ain't
...you need to do some shopping
[end] * * * * * * Must-Click Links * * * *
* * *
[start] * * * * * * Free Promos * * * * * *
or, if lines are busy, try:
This is a serious public service. Especially in
this day and age when both natural and manmade disasters seem so
prevalent. If another one happened tomorrow, for example, would you
know which number to call or what website to access?
The Family Links Registry is another
Call 1-877-LOVED-1S to help you locate
anyone missing in a disaster
as always, be sure to check out Running
...for many of your
personal and/or gift-giving needs. Like, for
something special for that special
you do (or would like to) "sport"
Here's one last friendly
If it's custom furniture you'd like in your home
workplace, you couldn't do better than asking ERDMAN
Silverton, Colorado, to build it exactly to
your specifications. Write
to Eric at this e-mail address:
you were sent by Mid Ink Rick!"
[end] * * * * * * Free
Promos * * * * * * *
( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) (
@-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ )
Quick. Click this,
unless you're real sensitive to pseudo-religious issues.
[This has nothing to do with "religion." It exists in the
same vein as "Godspell" did--only funnier.]
( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) (
@-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ )
Latest Eye Candy Sight-For-Sore-Eyes
from the Cited Department of Bumper Sticklers:
| Who Should Sit On The Supreme Court?
Justass Anna Nicole
anycar drove in a pretty wow
(with apologies, of course, to e. e.
anycar drove in a pretty wow
(with up so flat and three tires
this summer winter autumn
she sang his did she danced her
Women and men(both fit and
cared for everyone not at
they sowed their buz they reaped
did not quite know what sunshine
iTechs guessed(but only a
and down they'd scroll as up they
that autumn winter then came
dong men gone they looked for
schoolean Boolean and page by
she laughed his ploy she spied his
bird by street and plow by
fit as anyone's noone's
someone suddenly took his
laughed his cry and did his
(sleep wake toss and
said her nevers would soon be
snow and winter and storm and
(and only the book can begin to
how running reminds who forgets to
what spell of wizardry was last
one day an author got dead i
(and noone stooped to read his
Bi-Z folk booked his burial
everyone said it wasn't my
all by all and sleep by
and more to themselves by they
noone and all partitioned by
wished by god they never saw
Women and men(both dong and
never knew words and would not
rode their wow and fixed their
and nothing else evermuch came of
Probing The Depths of Mind of
a Potential Psychotic Killer
I'm just a good ol' boy.
Or, maybe I'm a champion.
A people's champion. That's it!
I'm the champion of the people.
But, the people are all cowards.
are pitiful and weak. They deserve
the plight they've put themselves in.
They really don't deserve a true
champion like me.
This is a magnificent weapon.
A single-barrel pump action shotgun
is truly a marvel of modern American
gunsmithing, even though it's Italian.
Of course this could be used for
reckless, even deliberate, homicide.
A weapon like this would be very useful
to those bloodthirsty mooks hoarding oil
and gouging Americans at the pump--
without me being let in on it.
I gotta improve commerce in the
That's right, it's a quail. A legitimate
and legal game bird.
Or, maybe we just like to shoot the little
for no good reason on earth, except for
rights and the trophy.
I think of 'em as terrorists,
That's my club. A truly magnificent organization it is, too.
Only the very best men in America belong.
Or, of course I might not be considered a current member,
because I haven't yet paid this year's dues.
One of my staff was supposed to take care of that, but apparently
Ah, screw it. I don't have a current valid hunting license either.
That's Harry Whittington. He must be
sympathizer. Probably a damned Shiite.
Or, he's just my boss's buddy only.
He's done nothing for me lately. Or
for America. Him an' the boss are most likely
in pump-gouging cahoots, without
Hey, I have a pump!
| | \ / | / |
/ / | / | | \
Die, al-Qaeda scum dog!!!
Or, hell. He'll probably just
All these park
rangers and cops
owe me big time anyway.
only go down as a hunting accident.
Next time, I'll have a better
I'll use my car bomb.
Hey! I'm the
champion. I keep
the bad guys out and the oil
flowing in. I give cause for
effete intellectual snobs to die.
I am the
Champion of America,
His Majesty the Vice President
of these United States!!
Here's More on "The
Oh, But There's Even More
That was one leader of the
of Amerika, duly elected.
And Meanwhile the Arctic Is
We're down to our very last one of
And your descendants are
a $9 trillion debt.
I guess Uncle Sam, by god, oughta collect a little tax, huh?
Uncle $am's Trillion Dollar
by C. C.
[Editor's note: This was originally
written half-a-dozen years ago for Mr. Writers' friends---every bit as wacky as
he is---who also run distances in excess of 26.2 miles. So, you need to
understand there's a few "inside jokes." Two other things you need to know: 1) "the Barkley Marathons" is a
100-mile footrace that happens every April in the back hills of Tennessee.
It is fundamentally impossible to complete this race. In its 20-year
history there have only been 6 finishers, and last year The Powers That Be
banned the thing outright---but now it's back. And the miracle of its
resurrection... well, we're saving that story for Easter; and 2) in
2000 the federal tax return deadline was
extended to Monday, April 17th, at midnight.]
The most nefarious annual ultramarathon
in the country ended Monday night at 12:00. (Notice it ended on a zero. Had it
ended on a one, it would have meant the next millennium.) This ultra,
however, had a variable starting time--perhaps not all that much different from
the annual Across The Years/Decades/Centuries/Millennia race held in
Arizona. But you could start this ultra almost as soon as Uncle Sam sent
you the prerace booklet.
I, however, was entered in The Last
Minute event. This is a classic annual contest whereby it is fairly
important NOT to begin until the day it's scheduled to end. And you can
(and perhaps should) sleep in that morning. Except that for this ultra,
instead of waking up, crawling outside your tent, stretching, peeing, and
putting your running shoes on, what you do here is wake up, stay inside the hut,
sit down, try not to shit your pants, and take your shoes and socks
off. Might as well start out comfortably.
And it's not all that much different from
the Barkley, is it? I mean, which one is even close to being
decipherable? They both have books, too, don't they? Isn't the
object to find the right one, and tear a page out of it? Several, in fact,
and always after following circuitous routes as the time drags on and the cutoff
draws closer. Let me put it this way: With Uncle Sam's ultra, if you
worked a little at everything possible, in as many different ways as you could,
and won or (lost) something along every way you went, you'd end up having to
tear quite a few pages out of every book that's ever been printed. Yup,
just like Barkley.
I started Monday morning at about 8:00,
after first having done the Four S's. (The fourth S is "swear.") And
I didn't even need to report to a race official, check in my bib number, or
notify my lap counter. Believe me, Uncle Sam already knows. And
besides, everything these days is color--or bar--coded. He'd already sent
me my find it/peel it/stick it address label. My Unck can tell
after I finish where I was when I started. It's never pretty. And if
he already knows, why should I tell you?
Was this going to be a PR run
(i.e., escape to Puerto Rico) or would it merely be another event in a
long list of ultras I tried to do better at but ended up just barely
finishing? At first, the race book instructions seem clear enough.
And you are even instructed whether you really should do it or not. Again,
just like Barkley.
You start down the long twisted path of
the very first map, but then something very funny happens. Before you can
get even halfway down, you need another map. And that means another
book. And that could mean another trip. (You might even have to RUN
during this ultra!) And, once you find the other book with the other right
page and finally succeed in tearing it out (Barkley, I believe, is easier here),
you then discover that in order to finish this new map, you first have
to have completed the first map so that you can enter that figure onto
the second map in order to take a percentage and multiply your chances to
subtract from the amount you have left when you started in order to locate
whatever you find on yet a third map and then go back to reduce what
you show on the second by how you finished the first. I will keep
reminding you, Barkley is easier.
And you can do this up to five different
times! I did. I have schedules A, B, C, D, and (sometimes, when the
damn upstairs apartment is rented) E. Each one's finalizing depends on the
other one's finishing. And, just like Lazarus dictates, the order's
reversed! Honest to God, so help me. In there somewhere, in one of
these consarned BOOKS, I read that death is no excuse. So, Uncle Sam's
ultra is unique, yes? If you're going to die, you first must finish
and then you can die. At Barkley, I believe it's OK to die and be
done with it.
Napoleon was right. There actually
are only two things you have to do in an ultra: Make sure your name
corresponds to your bib number and, naturally, pay the
Of course, it's impossible with Uncle
Sam's ultra to actually READ any of those instructions in the prerace multi-set
volumes of booklets. And how do you know whether you're going to need Form
6969 or Schedule ZYX or Publication 666--if, say, you have a (loss)--unless
you first work your way through all the sawbriars and actually find that you've
lost something? Ah, our Unck expects us to know these things in
advance. Or else, of course, start the race earlier.
I never do. I deliberately wait
till the last event (the 12-hour) comes around
before I take off my shoes and socks. I want to see if those "estimated
completion times" they put in that first prerace booklet have any basis in
reality. I want to know if the other ultra people they've averaged include
Eric Clifton or Rob Apple. Or Kitschme Siouxme. This last weird
character is in a completely different bracket.
Uncle Sam's ultra assumes that you've
already computed what you're just now guessing, that you've already gotten
to where you're just barely going, and that you've already finished before
you even get started. I'm a kind of runner-writer. My Unck requires
me to complete the back part of Schedule C before I can complete the front
part. I'm also required to keep a record of "last year's
inventory." (And if this year's is different from last year's, I have to
check the little red-course-marking-flag box and "attach explanation.") So
this is how, for my particular category, I complete the Uncle Sam Ultra's
Inventory at beginning of
year: Less Words
Purchases less items withdrawn for
personal use: Dictionary, all "F" words withdrawn
Cost of labor: You tell
me. What's five loops cost?
Materials and supplies:
Shoes, two each; socks carried over from previous year
Other costs: What price
Add lines 35 through
39: OK, 35+36+37+38+39=185 (my
Inventory at end of year: More
Well, OK. I finished the
ultra. I wound my way through the thorny maze of a thousand sheets, pages,
parts, sections, lines, columns, boxes, attachments, and, of course, exemptions
to any or all of this. And I believe that during the process, Uncle Sam
killed a thousand trees. But he also had the foresight to allow for some
portion of this year's finish to be reserved for the killing of next
trees--when the same maps, schedules, mazes, find-em/stick-em
bib numbers, books, and tear-out pages will all be reprinted and prescribed all
One last comparison really should be made
to our friend Matt Mahoney's so-called Million Mile Ultra, except that they do
differ significantly. You MUST, for example, finish our Unck's
ultra every single year. But with Matt's, you never will. Unless, of
course, Matt borrows from Sam perhaps his greatest "line" of all:
carryover. ["If you have a (loss) you must depreciate it over the
life of your (loss) depending on whether it is a 5-year (loss) or a 15-year (loss) and depending on which method of
losing you used (the ACRS or the straight-line method) and if you used the wrong
kind you must also attach Form FU and if you used the right kind you must check
this red-flag box and enter your finishing time in Publication UR."]
Yup. All Matt has to do is carryforward your mileage totals and apply them
to your own ultra-taxed descendants into the next
So, when I finally turned the corner and
located the correct four-lane path to the post office Monday night, there was
forty-four minutes still showing on the clock. I (loss) no time. I
crossed the threshold of the finish and deposited my correctly ripped-off bib
numbered collection of book
pages into the right box next to the wanted
posters. And no race director took out his bugle and played "Taps" for
me. But neither did anyone else applaud, give me a medal, or serve
One amazing ultra, huh?
And one they actually expect EVERYBODY to finish EVERY
So, there's your answer. Next time
anybody asks why you run these silly long footraces, you can tell them in all
sincerity: "Because it helps me do my income tax."
/ / \ \ /
/ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \
[start] * * * * * * E-letters to the Editor * * * * * *
[Editor's note: We are apparently
quite lax in this department. No "feedback" whatsoever was published in
MIR #30, although quite a bit was received following MIR
#29. One item prompting considerable and interesting response was the
Hah! It reminds me of a
question I once set loose before my most learned non-grammatically-challenged
colleagues: Would it ever be possible in a correctly-spelled English
expression for FOUR (4) s's to appear in a row with no other letters
intervening? Three s's is easy: That gas hog over there
is my boss's car. But four?
(Should anyone ask, I'll
show you such stuff next time ;)
Well, apparently Mid Ink Rick was NOT very clear. It was meant that
NO LETTERS OR SPACES could intervene. Four s's would need
to appear in a row exactly juxtaposed, although punctuation without spaces would
be allowed. In fact, it would be necessary. Keep reading for,
uh, "the solution." Meanwhile, since these instructions were not
made clear, several "contenders" sent in such entries as the
That ass's stupid remarks came from my
And now to make an ess of myself, here's six of them in a
"The empress's s's sound like etheth
becauthe she thufferth from thloppy thibilanthe."
Gold Hill, OR
[Editor's note: Peter subsequently sent in another
one, which (wouldn't ya know) started something. Mid Ink Rick
wrote back, then Peter wrote back yet a third time. See if you can figure
out who wrote what in the following
For some reason, this correspondence put a poem in my head, which will
only go away if I pass it on to you (try this about mile 85 of the ultra of your
Moses supposes his toeses are roses
But Moses supposes
And Moses, he knowses his toeses aren't roses
supposes his toeses to be
>The Empress of Roses sore toeses knowses
"roses" need hoses occasionally
>Water not footsweat she proposes to
>So whose roses hoses Moses eventually?
see what you've done to me today?????]
Oh hell, one more, and then I fold:
A rose is a rose is a rose is a
The rose Moses knows is the rose that his toeses
Arose from, a
process that Moses's gnosis
Supposes was owing to
(via e-mail, ya think? ;)
[Editor's answer: Four s's in a
row... OK, let's factor in "contractions," shall we?
Here's a double-s-ending-noun singular
possessive: boss's car.
Can we not say (referring to that selfsame
car) that the boss's is here?
Well then, why not the noun-verb "to be"
singular possessive contraction?
Mine's here, yours's
here, hers's here, and the boss's's here,
Sounds like group-think inventory on a
freakin' parking lot! ;-)
No? Look how the plural would
look: the car belonging to both bosses's here.]
we have the extraordinary good fortune to live where
there is freedom of
speech, verbal & photographic
somehow omitted from the below verbiage
are comments referring to the governor of
failure to immediately provide relief to New Orleans
the herding of new orleans residents into a football stadium
a convention center without providing food, or
water or diapers or formula,
or rudimentary clothing & blankets
the photos of the
hundreds of busses that could have
transported 300,000 people to safety
within 24 hours
but the busses were left to float & people left to
subject to anarchy & violence from their own
or about the absolute stupidity of people to choose to
below sea level, despite prior floodings, and expect
the sea would
not reclaim its own province
so now, we shall be unrelentingly taxed to
fund the welfare of
the stupid, and to rebuild a city which will be
doomed to similar recapture by the sea
charitable & will contribute to the aid of the displaced,
but we don't
need to rebuild the levees & the low level
former city; fix causeways to
the string of casinos who paid
over $500,000 per week into Louisiana
cover the space between french quarter & casinos
landfill & put in tourist accommodations on the landfill
displaced to higher ground
never again would we need to be concerned about
failures, if a storm is coming, shut down the casinos & the
visitors will soon leave
meanwhile, the $500,000 per week will provide
for humanity with all it needs to build better homes
for the new
orleans poor on flood safe terrain
the first line of defense for this
event lies with the preparedness
and response system of the city of new
that was an horrific failure
the second line of defense rests with
the preparedness and
response of the state of Louisiana
an equally glaring
FEMA would have had a much lesser role, but for the errors
omissions of the city & state
so the first 72 hours post flood are
attributable to city & state
that being said, the
initial FEMA response was a desperate
attempt to save the living, & that
was recorded by the media
in exhausting detail
meanwhile there was vast
mobilization to take the members of the
national guard out of their real
lives & do what the city & state
demonstrated they were incapable of
so despite the media hype & spin electing to do "FEMA
within 5 days the FEMA operation managed to bring order
relief beyond anything that had ever been experienced
in this country, which
the media should applaud,
you appear to find this event
appeals to your unique sense of
humor and/or political bias and alignment
succumbing to the biased media view;
I believe there are many
perspectives which have
greater logic and reasoning (which you may or
not choose to consider)
Homer Township, IL
[Editor's note: That we've steadfastly
resisted "editing"! It has a certain poetic appeal, yes? And... a
certain critical sting against Mid Ink Rick's usually overly pompously
screamingly liberal editorial stance. This is to be encouraged. If
everyone thought like Rick, who could he argue
Have you checked the dosage level on your meds lately?
Creative stuff; loved the photo of Bushes fishing. Such an incompetent
fiasco--how many days ahead of time was it known a Class FIVE hurricane was
coming with New Orleans in its path? Repubs blame city and state govt. for
being unprepared for the disaster, as if any state would have the resources to
handle a disaster of that magnitude. And of course, where is the National
Guard--in Iraq; and where is all the federal funding--in Iraq.
Lame duck is going to turn into rotten crow for Republican tables come
2006 and 2008. Unless they eat that tainted fish from Nawlins.
Name withheld by request
Chicago Suburbs, IL
Reading this got the cobwebs out of my head!
The FEMA stuff just
makes my blood boil. I was just reading in the local Times how
areas that received a mere inch or two of rain in past disasters or were not
affected whatsoever received millions in aid while the levees in the poorest
areas were left unrepaired.
Thanks again, Rick. Can't wait for the
Cedar Lake, IN
It was obvious that it was a "composed" photo but there is something of
truth in it as well. I forwarded it with the caption "Give a man a fish
and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll embarrass a nation
for a lifetime." Got a few chuckles on that one.
I think I'd
respond to the Dubya supporters with the fact that NO 9/11 type
attacks occurred on Clinton's watch... That didn't make him a GREAT president
but at least he's bright enough to speak the English language, keep us in the
black, and have vast improvements throughout his "reign." After all these
years, Bush can't even say the word "nuclear."
Michael Moore may not be a "patriot" in whatever sense they mean it.
But how is GW a patriot when he shirked his duty to our armed
My favorite quote of late: "Osama bin Laden still has his
job, do you?"
Loved the webzine. The Barbara Bush quotes were
amazing... have gotten them from a few sources now. I don't have an Idiot
Box [television set] so I don't hear these things unless I catch the right
segment of NPR [National Public Radio].
Have a terrific day!
Colorado Springs, CO
note: Lisa is also a gifted poet. We sincerely appreciated
her poem about the Hurricane Katrina disaster that she contributed to
I heard on the radio that Pres. Bush has been defecating solid gold, and
that the experts (not "scientists" but creationist political appointees) all
agree on its rare and valuable properties. The Pres., in his usual offhand
manner, just shrugged all the praise off, saying that he is, after all, a
Republican Texan. He has agreed however, in return only for a one hundred
percent tax credit (a nominal pittance in his tax bracket), to donate his entire
output to charity, to be fed to the poor at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and
Easter. "Taxes are for the little people and Texas is for the mighty big
shots; so I just want the little people to know that Texas is doing something
with their taxes, and they are getting something back," he was heard to exclaim
as he boarded his helicopter.
In a more serious streak, I wonder when the great American population is
going to wake up and smell what is happening, namely that a pack of spoiled,
mean little brats is stealing from them. The most incredible transfer of
wealth in the history of the universe is going on right now--from the poor,
middle class, and merely rich to THE SUPER RICH. The great Arabian War is a vast
engine that extracts money (not to mention the lives of perfectly good soldiers)
from the public, and gives it to the Skull and Bones club members, where it
vanishes without a trace. Now they've got a contrived disaster in New
Orleans, which they are milking in similar fashion. All the while these
dreadful little snots "praise the Lord" and thump their bibles, so that the
really stupid people that vote for them will vote for them again.
As an American, I can say that we really are that stupid, and we deserve
whatever we get. My last calculation indicated to me that about 50 million
dollars accrues to the Bushes and the Cheneys (Oh, do go f**k yourself, Massah
Cheney!) for each U.S. Marine death they amass. The murdering, insane
Islamists are no threat by comparison to that posed by the Bush Dynasty and
Name & location withheld by request
[end] * * * * * * E-letters to the Editor * * * * * *
"Who shall in good verse
explain me clear
Shall have this
Gazette free, one year."
--B. Franklin (a.k.a. Richard Saunders)
Poor Richard's Almanack
(and also his Gazette)
[It seems as
though he, too, relished a good contest to bolster subscriptions for both of his
publications. Be thankful you're living today, however, because he
expected his readers---in verse!---to solve riddles. Mid Ink Rick only
asks you to recognize pictures. What could be easier?]
Our Special Illegal
Service this Month to Counterfeiters
and also (coincidentally) The Photo I.D. Quiz
What do you want to mess around with Jacksons and
Hamiltons for? This here's the baby you reeeeeally wanna
stick on the face glass of your four-color-process photocopier. All's
you're missing now is whatever the heck's on the reverse side and, of
course, some Treasury paper. But, heck, you can whack up a stack of
that by recycling one-dollar bills! ;-)
your quiz: Be the first to identify exactly who the "dead
president" is on this currency (i.e., first name, last name, what
office he held, and when) and win*!!!
*absolutely not a damn thing, although,
perhaps with a little more negotiating
and a LOT more interest on your part,
maybe next time we could offer a
ZombieRunner prize...??? Or,
at least one free subscription to this webzine ;)
Answer to last time's
photo I.D. quiz:
(Which nobody identified correctly)
"Quick. Be the first to identify just what in
the heck is happening here (i.e., who's doing what and to whom) and
Well? Why should we
tell you? Nobody even bothered to venture a guess! (Although you all
probably noticed it was President Bush in the pic... apparently having the
zipper on his trousers fixed... ;)
Hey, sportsfolk, try this
new Dick Cheney Hunting Game!
Then afterwards, here's where
you can shop for souvenirs:
"Well done is better
than well said."
Mid Ink Rick on
"He looks a damn
sight better in my wallet, than yours."
the way, Is Where You Could Spend that Ten Grand:
(maybe you'll get one of
these in the mail soon)
Great White Hunter
Vice President of the United States of America
no doubt, of the NRA
special spokesman, Charlton Heston, once raised
such a lethal weapon as this high over his head
rallied the multitudes,
once did as Moses,
declared for all posterity that now-infamous motto:
"Out of My Cold Dead
This one's for you,
He shot me down
I hit the ground
That awful sound
Dick Cheney shot me down"
--(with apologies, of course,
to Sonny & Cher)
fifteen of 'em, You Could Buy "We, the Rat Snake" on
(maybe this reminds you
of some "fork tongue twins" in, for example, Washington DC?)
Price: $150,000, or real damn cheap when you add
up what these in The White House are costing us.
Photo credits for this issue (top to
bottom): 1) Ms. Wafah Dufour Bin Ladin, daughter
Osama bin Laden's brother, in a publicity photo shown in March 2006
(Reuters/PRNewsFoto/ReganMedia photo); 2) US$100 bill obverse as shown at www.wikipedia.com; 3) Interior of
Milner Library, Illinois State University, Normal, IL, taken March 7, 2006
(AP); 4) Exterior swimming pool, Cancun, Mexico, taken March 14, 2006
(AP); 5) Mick Jagger and companion L'Wren Scott at American Academy of
Awards on March 5, 2006 (Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com); 6)
Mick Jagger/Rolling Stones singing at halftime during Superbowl XL
(Reuters); 7) Publicity still from X-men United, 2003 (20th
Century Fox); 8) parody of "No Child Left Behind"-Bush Administration
federally funded education policy (Watchersweb.com); 9) B-15A iceberg
melting at Antarctica, November 2000 (AFP-HO-NSF filephoto); 10)
Planet Earth seen from space (NASA); 11) US$10,000 bill obverse as shown
at www.thecurrencyhouse.com; [previously
unidentified and possibly fabricated
PhotoID-puzzlerNumber2.jpg] photo showing President
Bush with attendants (cfr. MIRTMA #30) was as shown on
Watchersweb.com; 12) fictional "White House Invitation" as shown on
Watchersweb.com; 13) Vice President Dick Cheney hunting on February 11,
2006 (Reuters); 14) "We," a rare two-headed albino rat snake offered for
sale on eBay for $150,000 (AP).
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your
sources." --Albert Einstein
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# # # # # # #
Richard's will return
at some as yet unimaginable, non-specific,
similarly improbable opportunity in the future]