Middle Income Richard's Third Millennium Almanack, No. 42

MIDDLE INCOME RICHARD'S
Third Millennium Almanack
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A webzine published every now and again
via the Internet, which should, in the coming
thousand years, save a few wads of paper
and spare a whole bunch of trees.
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Number 42, Post Traumatic Stress, or Spring 2009
In the 9th year of the 21st century
© 2009 Rich Limacher
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This webzine is dedicated to the
best armed forces in the world finally doing its job

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Memorial Day notwithstanding
(and of course remembered,
and appreciated)

Thank You, U.S. Navy SEALs,

For this:

And this:

And now,
at long, long last,
do you think you could also

Get THIS?

Please send editorial material, immaterial, ads, subtracts, and
everything else (including questions of competence or authority) to...

TheTroubadour@sbcglobal.net

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OK, maybe these bytes might be, but you'll find the real deal by clicking on this:

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"Feetures" in this issue include:

a) Piracy [see above]
b) New Cartoon [ditto]
c) Briarboarding [see below]
d) Just like McDonald's: "We have dispensed billions & billions"
e) Bailouts?
f)   He said, "Ooh-ee, ooh-ah-ah, ting-tang, walla-walla-bing-bang" [witchdoctorspeak]
g) "In Memoriam: Earth"
h) Yankee Folly of the Day
i)   Vertical Fototoon
j)   Some Critter Had a Little Too Much Easter!
k) E-letters To The Editor
l) Inestimable Effendi Speaks: The Curmudgeon Chronicles
m) Everytime's Media Message
n) Swine Flu? (Do Pigs Fly?)
o) Recommended Websites
p)  The We Like This One Department
q) Inspiring Signs
r)   And now for something completely different...
s) Photo Guessing Game
t)   Queen Pelousy
u) The Dept. of Bumper Snickers Dept.
v)   Fast Chix!
w) Parting Shot: Kewl Flag!

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[a solution not yet even conveyed in a pail with a mop
to the rather soiled floor of the U.S. Congress,
let alone to the water troughs of the C.I.A.]

*Perhaps we should explain: The Barkley Marathons is, like, this totally insane, half-cocked and wickedly-concocted, nearly impossible footrace that takes place yearly in the worst possible mountains and coal hills of Tennessee—near a prison (once housing no less a terrorist than James Earl Ray himself) where during at least one unproud period of American history prisoners were actually enslaved to work those coal mines. Not only are runners annually confronted with steep—and horrible—terrain, but this terrain is itself covered nearly everywhere with thorns, affectionately [right!] called "sawbriars."

The impossibility comes with the distance to be covered (100 miles plus; some say plus - plus - plus - and then some!) and in the silly amount of time within which to cover it (three days) AND due to the fact that THERE IS NO TRAIL. No markings, no helpful friendly household course marshals, no aid, no refreshment, no sustenance, not one damn thing but your two own cajones—and whatever else you can carry with you (or substitute for, if you're a gal). In other words: Perfect Torture!

And hence the suggestion here that "briarboarding" might be a rather convenient, more humanitarian [right!] substitute for "waterboarding," and should therefore be of some interest to the White House.

Final question: Do you think it's a 3-point shot from where Da Prez iz standin'? Or would it only be a two-pointer? [Probably not, though, a slam dunk.]

[right!]

"It sounded like a truck full of cymbals crashing through a saw factory."

                             —Some Recent TV Commentator or Music Critic,
                                 whose name (because of all the colliding symbols
                                and mixed metaphors) we did not get. His
                                 language, though, is particularly apropos
                                 The Barkley.

WE BEGIN TO BE A LITTLE CONCERNED, HOWEVER, ABOUT MULTI-TRILLION-DOLLAR NATIONAL INDEBTEDNESS!

Consider, for example, just this little portion of a trillion: a billion. And remember, a trillion [1,000,000,000,000] is really a thousand billion. So, how many zeros in a billion???

This arrived over the Internet, just the other day:

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want "politicians" spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A billion dollars is only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

So while this thought is still fresh in our minds, let's take a look at New Orleans...

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans.

Well, if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child), you each get $516,528.

Or if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.

Imagine now $700 billion bailing out U.S. banks. That's enough to fund complete medical care for every man, woman and child currently alive in the US for 11 years!!

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax (upon tax)
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Income Tax
Everything Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

Maybe we're just seeking remedies with entirely the wrong medicine.

As once was scrawled on the subway wall:

"Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor."

Maybe we need a witch doctor:

"Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist.'"

Giving money to the CEOs who got us in this mess to begin with, and asking them to fix it, is like giving blow to a cokehead and asking him not to snort.

But the best question of all is: why aren't we really and truly DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT???

We are so focused, aren't we? We are just zeroing in on fixing the economy, bailing out Wall Street, and Automobile Street and Bank Street and Insurance Street and Real Estate Street and Ponzi Street... trying (but not too hard) to prevent our grandchildren and great-grandchildren from having to pay for it ALL. We also want a "just peace" in Iraq and Afghanistan and... where have we heard that before? And now? It looks like President Obama's nemesis is about to become North Korea, just as Bush's was Iraq... just as Kennedy-Johnson-Nixon's was Vietnam. And aren't we worried about forcing our descendant children to have to pay for all that, too?

Well, sorry to break the news to everybody, but our kids ain't gonna pay for ANY of it. And neither will their kids. Just like we ourselves haven't paid, really, for all the waste and sins of our forefathers. Why? Because between then and now have been wars. Real wars. Big wars. Wars cancel ALL debts! Isn't this correct? Didn't France and England and boucou countries else OWE us for saving their asses from the Nazis? (And Imperial Japan, etc.) Well, where's our payment? Where's our cash now, so that we can pay our debts? Ain't happening.

The way of the world is: take and plunder. It's "the survival of the fittest" because the takers and plunderers have the best weapons. Weapons are for war. And there has never been—throughout the entire history of humankind—a weapon invented that hasn't been used. So? Fuhgeddaboud it. NOBODY's going to pay off the current national debt of the United States of America.

And Middle Income Richard does now predict: The United States of America will become The People's United Territories of China—which country, by the way, will take over ours simply because it owns it. Our fearless leaders have mortgaged us all away.

No, the weapons will be used by China to defend itself from the crackpot terrorists, who will use them first.

What, suddenly the entire history of humankind is about to change? To, uh, become "a kinder and gentler" kind of human? Come on. They (whoever they are) can't be serious!

Look up in the skies. Gaze around the universe. Scientists et al. see vast empty space with the occasional sphere tossed in. Religious-ists see us as The First, the Adam and the Eve, whose appointment by God is to "go forth and multiply." When I gawk around, I see lots of worlds that have already been there and done that.

In short, I see lots and lots of places where "humans" quite logically could've evolved until they killed themselves. And, if continuing unchecked, earthlings are bound and determined to kill Earth too. In another 10,000 years it's going to look just like Mars does now.

This is one reason why Middle Income Richard's today cites a work of art that, what, almost nobody has seen or even heard of: The Age of Stupid. It's a new motion picture created by some very forward thinking folks in, yes, England. And didn't England itself simply follow the Grand Territorial Imperative of "take and plunder" as set out by so many terrific imperialists before them: Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, etc., and even Adolf Hitler shortly thereafter. (And those three, by the way, supposedly comprised The Three Reichs.) Well, all that has led us to this: The Age of Stupid.

So, if we are "the first"? Then we have to solve the problem of the Grand Territorial Imperative. We have to STOP what we've been doing for 10,000 years. If there is to still BE a habitable "third rock from the sun" in another 10,000 years... well, humans have to change. It's as simple as that.

But if we are not "the first," then our world follows right along behind all the other dead worlds of the cosmos. No matter what, though, one would think that, knowing all this, one would really and truly want to change. Wouldn't one?

Another non-feature featured in today's webzine concerns a hippified little human almost (comparatively) nobody has ever heard of: Earth Friend Gen. She's accused of being "the naked chick" who bikerides Portland in just that attire, or lack of it. But she is also apparently of the present generation, generated from tens of thousands of ancestors who did, in fact, survive on this planet for 10,000 years—WITHOUT KILLING IT. She's what they call a Native American.

But click on the hyperlink and listen to what she says. (No, she's not naked in the video.) She gives us all a tremendous hint about how to at least start changing our thinking, so that maybe (ya think?) there might yet be a way to change our destiny. The ancients, she says, did NOT consider the Earth as being inherited from our ancestors. No, the better way to think of Earth is that it's being borrowed from our children.

Think about that, O dear new President of ours, and ALL—and I do mean ALL—of the really really rich and powerful Powers That Be, and quit (PLEASE!) even having kids, if all you ever plan to do is steal from them.

So, back to the initial premise. In the year 10,000 A.D. will there even BE a "memorial" to Earth? Well, where's the one to Mars right now?

"You can't say civilization don't advance . . . in every war they kill you a new way."

—Will Rogers (1879–1935)

[We could've predicted this back when the ignoble duffis senatordude first claimed legitimacy to Blago's appointment:
click on...

http://news.aol.com/article/burris-pleads-on-taped-call-for-senate/498235

There's more lying goin' down in Illy-noise today than ever did happen at Maxine's aforementioned whorehouse.]

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

Truly among the masterworks of all Western Civilization:

Feet first

But maybe these de-feet the purpose?

Here, the other part's missing

These have that part, but it's not recognizable

This has the part, but you have to feed it

An improvement! Two pet meals already come with

But this is taking "taking your pet with"
just a little too far

And now: a snake fetish?

How 'bout them Crocs???

Speaking of animal shoes...

For airing out grievances against former presidents?

For puffing a few extra poofs into new ones?

For actually getting somewhere?

For playing games?

Ah, for playing records!

No, for playing games!!

For just in case you run out of spare parts?

Spring fashions?

No, just the spring.

Shoes that double as underwear?

In case your plane is hijacked to a warmer climate?

Or these, of course, could just blow up your plane.
[BTW thanks, TSA!]

So how about these for self-defense?

Or escape?

Or just to fix the car so you can get to the airport in the first place.

"High" fashion?

"Hot"?

"Bi"?

Wicked!

Pricey!

Motion Control

And these, of all things, are legit; runners actually love 'em; and they're for sale (where else?) from The Zombies

:-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)

What, did we forget Easter?

Well, shortly after you'd "hid" all those brightly colored eggs and jelly beans out on the freshly mowed lawn, guess who got 'em?

Dear Editor:

Thanks for the political observation. With all of the economic problems, Washington didn't think twice about spending $170,000,000 on the Inauguration! Quite a party!

Keep writing!

Cal Haasken
Chaska, MN
via e-mail

[Editor's note: Thanks for writing, Cal. And have you noticed? The spending since January 20th has only gotten worse. Shouldn't a government be at least as responsible as its average citizen household? How many homes do you know where, if "the head of the house" needs more cash, all he has to do is walk in the kitchen and print it?]

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Dear Editor:

[Re: MIR 41] Nice one, and I would like to add some comments, quoted from T. E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

You wrote from Juval Aviv, "... they will know our language and will fully understand the habits of Americans, but that we Americans won't know/understand a thing about them."

Lawrence wrote in 1926 about Arabia:

"The Beduin of the desert, born and grown up in it, had embraced with all his soul this nakedness too harsh for volunteers, for the reason, felt but inarticulate, that there he found himself indubitably free. He lost material ties, comforts, all superfluities and other complications to achieve a personal liberty which haunted starvation and death. He saw no virtue in poverty herself: he enjoyed the little vices and luxuries—coffee, fresh water, women—which he could still preserve. In his life he had air and winds, sun and light, open spaces and a great emptiness."

Their "idea of nationality was the independence of clans and villages, and their ideal of national union was episodic combined resistance to an intruder. Constructive policies, and organised state, an extended empire, were not so much beyond their sight as hateful in it."

"It was the fight of a rocky, mountainous, barren country ... against an enemy so enriched in equipment ... as to almost have lost virtue for rough-and-tumble war."

It seems to me that exactly fits the story of Afghanistan, seen by the Russians a while back, more recently by Americans. If the armies had learned from the past, a great deal of trouble might have been avoided.

Regards,
Rod Dalitz
Edinburgh, Scotland, UK
via e-mail

[Editor's note: Which is precisely why we study history (or are supposed to) so that tactically senseless wars like Vietnam don't get repeated later in Iraq and Afghanistan, eh? Which is precisely why this present issue of the webzine is supposedly focused on NOT making another Mars out of Earth.]

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Dear Editor:

Troubled and Dour
Subject: Emailing: juvalaviv

The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
Shortcut to: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/soapbox/juvalaviv.asp

Elmer Beardshall
(aka "Running Bear")
Hattiesburg, MS
via e-mail

[Editor's note: That's all Running Bear sent, too. Just some hyperlink to "prove" that the whole previous exegesis on Jural Aviv [MIR 41] was mostly bogus or partly wrong. Well, thanks! Maybe I should've checked those Scopes folks first, but I really didn't care if he wasn't exactly all he cracked himself up to be. What we mostly get from his "digg," however, is: hey, terrorists aren't stupid and they can thwart stupid security. So yeah, now we need to smarten up on security, which he does manage, despite his lack of credentials, to somehow still show us how to do. So, I'm just sayin'...]

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Dear Editor:

I'm thinkin' anoxic brain injury from too many long runs at some time in your past...

But you do speak with unforked tongue.

Kinda amazing isn't it that the stock markets did the big fall yesterday, as if nobody knew the change was coming until the day it was official!

Robin Fry
Missoula, MT
via e-mail

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Dear Editor:

1. In 5 billion years, the Earth and, probably, Mars will be swallowed
by the Sun which will have become a red giant star.

3. A saint (of a sissy or even ill enjoy) you aren't. More likely you'll end up in Hell, Frozen Head and all your other body parts.

Dan Baglione
Foresthill, CA
via e-mail

[Editor's note: I know Dan. He's kidding. (Right?) "Hell" and "Frozen Head" are in fact places associated with The Barkley Marathons elsewhere described in this issue. He and I both know the locale well now.]

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Dear Editor:

Rich [Limacher] is one of those rare individuals who goes the extra mile, figuratively and literally (comforting to know I'm not the only one who gets lost on trails)! <wink>

Seriously though, folks, life's too short not to express gratitude and appreciation for special people who make life's trails easier to navigate. Rich does this by saying what he needs to say here with words that are not only carefully crafted, but keenly observant and equally witty and humorous. The cherry topping off this e-zine treat is his sense of community responsibility tempered by respect for individual freedoms. Thank you for reminding us that chivalry truly is *not* dead, Mid-Inc Rick.

Hope you're well.

Connie :) Karras
Cedar Lake, IN
via e-mail

The Curmudgeon has very serious interest in environmental and ecological issues. The Curmudgeon may be seen at the supermarket checkout (20 items or less lane) with his recyclable fiber carry bag to tote home his sustaining supply of comestibles.

The Curmudgeon aggressively recycles: his recycle bin has the empty adult beverage containers (aluminum, glass, plastic, steel, fiberboard) and whatever other containerized units there may be, and, of course, all paper products. On a completely unscientific basis, The Curmudgeon has tracked some paper in order to—and to paraphrase L. Carroll (not his real name)—begin at the beginning:

It begins at a manufacturing plant in the Orient:

- They make stuff to sell in the U.S.
- They put their stuff in rectangular boxes (cargotainers)
(can you say Hanlin?).
- They ship their stuff here.
- The U.S. doesn't make enough stuff that the Orient wants to buy, so the U.S. winds up with lots of empty cargotainers.
- The U.S. landfill capacity is decreasing.
- The Oriental cargotainers could be used to send U.S. goods to the Orient, where they could be sold at a profit.
- Sending cargotainers full of U.S. goods to the Orient could be win-win, but, of course, the unions would never allow the U.S. to pay wages that would make the U.S. competitive with the rest of the world.

So the Oriental cargotainers IN THE U.S. are filled with the newspapers and shredded documents from your recycle bin, along with the document shreddings of countless business and government operations.

All those waste papers (after being screened by identity thieves) are shredded, chopped, pulverized, compacted, baled, and bundled off to the Orient, where they are squished and squashed into recycled paper...

Everytime's Repeated Media Message:
----------------------------------------------------

It's no secret that one of America's most inventive founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin, got his first real "break" in the media not by pandering to the tastes of those old stodgy publishers of his time, but by coming up with something completely different all on his own. He published a simple one-page annual periodical called Poor Richard's Almanack and sold it along the streets and rivers of the colonies for a penny apiece. And it thrived as a business for the next twenty-five years. So now, some two-hundred seventy-odd years later, you get Middle Income Richard's Third Millennium Almanack which someday (maybe) will actually find some cybertronic marketplace and actually sell a copy or two--especially now that it's been miraculously, and successfully, installed on a commercial website. And for that Mid Inc Rick owes a huge debt of gratitude to D.C. Lundell and Gillian Robinson, owners and founders of ZombieRunner.com.

So far, for the past zillion issues, this e-rag's been free. But before the next zillion are published, this particular freedom of yours might somehow be taken away; and you'll be asked to cough up with as many as twelve U.S. dollars, via credit card or otherwise, to that nutty parent company called C. C. Writers, at P.O. Box 963, Matteson, IL 60443 USA.

In the meantime, however, please don't take all this technological wizardry for granted. You have our permission and supplication to continue sending in your cards, letters, ads, "subtracts," encouragements, detractions, and good ol' coin o' the realm in the form of U$A one-dollar bills to the above-mentioned post office box; and you're also invited to thoroughly search through everything offered by MIR's hosts, the Zombies, on their truly awesome website. And finally, of course, Uncle Ben Franklin's weird and most strangely distant cousin M.I. Richard thanks you very much.

* * * * *

Oh, and keep thinking "green" to help save our environment by promoting paperless publishing!!!

And, hey, It's OK. Go ahead and forward this link to a friend!

( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ )

—Mae West (1892–1980)

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First, "The Age of Stupid":

http://www.ageofstupid.net/

It seems, after about 8 years or so, that somebody has started to pay attention.
(cfr. Middle Income Richard's No. 1)

Middle Income (currently less than that) Richard has now entertained the theory that THIS, as we see above, was a film first made on Mars. That was approximately 6,000,000,000 years ago. Nobody paid any attention then. Look at that planet now.

Next, "Earth Friend Gen":

OM MA GALA...

Known as "Earth Friend Gen," she's a true modern-day hippie, often seen blading or bicycling around Portland, OR, attired in not much fashion. She is, however, of Native American ancestry and very, very sincere.

She deserves a listen:

Click on this to see and hear (her video).

Third, there's "FUEL":

www.thefuelfilm.com

This is in limited release; go see it if you can. It's not news by any means, but it's a great timeline and representation about why we need to move toward green energy. The political sections are clear yet nauseating, but we already knew that. It's inspirational, not because of the politics but in spite of them. This is all about what we CAN do. Its historical stuff is fact, not blame. Most people probably won't see this, but it should be required viewing for everybody.

The company behind the flick is CZero, a biodiesel enterprise whose goal (reflected in its name) is Zero Carbon emissions from its fuels.

Fourth, and finally, click on this... for kicks!

It's a modern take on West Side Story.

Enjoy!

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."

—Redd Foxx (1922–1991)

And now from the "We Like This One" department:

Coming to you exclusively now
from Middle Income Richard's...

INSPIRING SIGNS!

Hmm... we've been arguing this for quite some time now:

[Ah, but maybe we can build robots to be smarter than us!]

And now for something completely different...

[The Gizzard of Frauds?]

Oh, we're off to splay the Gizzard
The Blunderful Gizzard of Frauds
We hear he's got the lion's-share jizz
If ever some jive there was
If ever oh ever a quiz there iz
Our Gizz will flunk because he is
Because because because because beeee-cause
He's the biggest cat shit there ever was!!!

So, we're off to jail the Gizzard
The Blunderful Gizzard of Frauds!

(in honor of "the blue barrel")

(No loving wife should ever be held...
over, or in, a blue frickin' movie or barrel)

"And while our SEALs are scoping out Osama bin Laden, why not just pop this prancing plague upon civilization also while they're at it? Hey, the money Illinois taxpayers could save will come in handy for arresting and prosecuting their governors."

Mid Ink Rick now offers another
Photo ID Guessing Game "contest"

(Your prize for guessing correctly? Hey, just like the Fed does it: your grandchildren will pay for your instant gratification. Far be it from Nephew Mid not to follow Uncle Sam's good example!)

WHO's THIS?
WHAT's THIS?
(you'll never, however, guess WHERE's THIS, eh?)

Your remaining challenge is to figure out where exactly to submit your guesswork; and, no, it's not Zombie headquarters!

And last time? Connie Karras nailed it!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Constance Karras
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 9:59 AM

You asked in your latest e-zine who is in the photo?

And later, she further confirmed:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Constance Karras
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 5:51 PM
Subject: Miss Wasilla pageant

Exactamundo, Constance! And thanks for playing the "Guess dys Chix Pix" game! And didn't we tell all the (2 or 3) readers of this particular paperless publication that Sarah Palin is one FINE lookin' woman, eh?

[But, of course, you don't win the White House on good looks alone.]

However, "Nephew" Mid can't bear giving the winning contestant no prize at all, so here: As Connie's reward, here's a sorta/kinda public advertisement for her very own blog site...

http://www.conniespeaks.blogspot.com

...and a bit of wisdom that she herself (having relocated to northwest Indiana) likes to quote from her very own uncle (who once played professional football for the Chicago Bears):

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them..."

All Hail, Queen Pelousy!

Here is what Her Highness, Le Speakeasy vie la House, now requires:

The Pentagon currently provides House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with an Air Force plane large enough to accommodate her staff, family, supporters, and members of the California delegation when she travels around the country. But Pelosi wants routine access to a larger plane. It includes 42 business class seats, a fully-enclosed state room, an entertainment center, a private bed, state-of-the-art communications system, and a crew of 16. Pelosi also wants "carte blanche for an aircraft any time," including weekend trips home to San Francisco. Pretty nice but very expensive perk! Her Air Force C-32 costs approximately $15,000 an hour or approximately $300,000 per trip home.

[And guess who's paying for it?]

And Queen Pelousy was one of those sharp Congressional critics of those automaking CEOs and their private plane trips to-from Detroit/D.C.

We're also told that previous House Speakers flew commercial airlines. Further, we're told, the newly appointed Junior Senator from Illinois flew Southwest coach, to-from Chicago/D.C., BEFORE being accepted into the United States Senate. Now, since he's been "anointed," he flies United first-class.

[And guess who's paying for that?]

What's that old saying, that "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely"?

Mid Ink Rick believes it!

And here, finally, there is absolutely no purpose at all for a certain Ms. Kelly Sotherton to be in this publication, except for how abs-sol-glute-ly AWESOME she looks...

So, no, you can't get into the White House on good looks alone, but you can get into Middle Income Richard's!

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop"...
--Lewis Carroll, from Alice in Wonderland

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." --Albert Einstein

Photo credits for this issue (top to bottom): 1) US Navy SEALs shown sharpshooting per G.W. Meads (website, but from an unknown source); 2) USS Bainbridge and lifeboat (US Navy photo); 3) Cmdr. Frank Castellano, Bainbridge skipper, shakes Richard Phillips' hand (AP-US Navy photo); 4) Osama bin Laden (Reuters file photo); 5) President Barrack Obama (scottholleran.com); 6) "Bailout" pseudo-ad (unknown Internet source); 7) "Maxine" (unknown Internet source); 8) "Dr. Juma Can" (unknown Internet source); 9) planet Mars (NASA photo); 10) Blagojevich appointing Burris (unknown Internet source); 11) all shoes (unknown Internet sources) except: Obama "Air" shoes (flypaperblog.com), half-man/half-bus ad in Slovenia (Reuters), Oscar Pistorius' prosthetics (Getty Images), TSA x-ray photos of various shoes (TSA declassified photo), brake shoes (2CarPros.com), "Wicked Shoes" (Muscle Elegance magazine scanned photo), "Pricey Shoes" at Milan fashion show (AFP), Vibram FiveFingers (their own print ad), and bodypainted "high heel pump" on bare foot (Tom Schierlitz-NYmag); 12) slitted snake on driveway (Lynnor Matheney photo); 13) "Swine Flu" (unknown Internet source); 14) actor Pete Postlethwaite in The Age of Stupid (per movie website); 15) headstone at Logan City Cemetery, Logan, UT (unknown Internet source); 16) Neighborhood Christian Center sign (unknown Internet source); 17) "Cowardly Lion"/Drew Peterson (thesebootsaremadeforstalking.com); 18) subject matter & photo credit info withheld until next edition of MIR; 19) young Sarah Palin (Celebslap.com); 20) Nancy Pelosi obviously PhotoShopped as royalty (unknown Internet source); 21) Kelly Sotherton at track World Championships (Matthew Lewis-Getty Images Europe); 22) flag with bodypainted woman hidden within (StrangeCosmos.com); unless otherwise credited, all other images are public domain clip art.

Parting shot:
You're a grand old flag...

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[Middle Income Richard's will return
at some as yet unimaginable, non-specific, and
similarly improbable opportunity in the future]