Middle Income Richard's Third Millennium Almanack, No. 40

MIDDLE INCOME RICHARD'S
Third Millennium Almanack
===============================
A webzine published every now and again
via the Internet, which should, in the coming
thousand years, save a few wads of paper
and spare a whole bunch of trees.
---------------------------------------------
Number 40, Fall 2008
In the 8th year of the 21st century
© 2008 Rich Limacher
---------------------------------------------

'Tis the Season of Fall,
or

Drop*

*A kindergarten teacher once taught her kids about fall, and how a good way to remember it is because of what leaves do off of trees at this time of year.

So the next day she asked her class, "Who remembers what we call this season?"

Little Jimmy then raised his hand and exclaimed, "Drop!"

JUST LIKE OUR FREAKING ECONOMY IS DOING!!!

This webzine, right now at least,
is only supposed to make you cry

------------------------------------

Please send editorial material, immaterial, ads, subtracts,
and everything else (including praise and adulation) to...

TheTroubadour@sbcglobal.net

---------------------------------------------

OK, maybe these bytes might be, but you'll find the real deal by clicking on this:

r
  e
  g
  u
  l
a
rare - wisdom - and - fluff

  f                                      e             | |
  e v e r y t h i n g   - e l s e     ____________
  a                                      d      feetures:
   t                                      b    p on scrolli
  u                                      a    e              n
  r                                       c    e              o
  e                                     k k               n
ps page numbers are no longer necessary
----------------------------------------------------------------
(because everything is all on one page)
----------------------------------------------------------------

"Feetures" in this issue include:

a) Thanks For The Idea, Nigeria!
b) Paulson as Ponzi
c) Bailout Question
d) Best Idea Yet for Economic Recovery
e) Moose Shootin' Sarah
f)   Naturally, This Spells The End For Bullwinkle
g) The Image Maker
h) Ponzi, Edwards, Hypocrites All
i)   Olympics? You Mean, Somebody Had Time To Play Games?
j)   E-letters To The Editor
k) Sweet (non-Ponzi, no Social Security worries) Retirement?
l) Our Inestimable Effendi
m) Short Vertical Fototoon
n) Support Your Candidates!
o) Yankee Folly
p) Beach Stuff: Nudity & Poetry
q) Recommended Websites
r)   Department of Bumper Stickers
s) Problems, Solutions, and then there's Paris Hilton
t)   Inspiring Signs
u) How About A Hurry Cane? (Hey, that's different!)
v) New Photo ID Contest!
w) Bat Otta Hell
x) World Series?
y) Butt It's Football Season!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, who now has received this, possibly in your Spam Folder?

-----Original Message-----
From: Ministry of The Treasury
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2008 10:47 AM
To: (undisclosed recipients)
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENTLY SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF MUCH BENEFICIENCE FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM CHIEF MINISTER OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISES THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF US$700,000,000,000.00 DOLLARS, WHICH IMMACULATELY BEING IS MAINTAINED WITHOUT NOTICE IN TREASURY RESERVES VAULT. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAMM, CHIEF LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY CHIEF OF TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF AMERICAN'S BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY CHIEF LAWYER AND SOLICITOR MR. M. MUKASEY ADVISED ME THAT I MUST LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN PROXY SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA, AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNTS NUMBER, AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN AND ANY KNOWN FUTURE DESCENDANTS TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION IN EQUITIES FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I AM RECEIVE OF THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INSTRUCTION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.

You think we're joking?

[click on this once]

Nigerian 419 Scam

[This not only explains the scam in full, but it
also enlists you in a pretty cool effort to fight it!]

Middle Income Richard asks:
Is This Socialized Banking, or
A Bush-Pushed Ponzi Scheme?

We generally do not trust a house of cards. One stiff breeze, and poof! Paper vapor.

We now don't trust this (gasp) unbelievable $700,000,000,000.00 "bailout" by our government of Wall Street (which we thought was private enterprise).

We previously didn't trust how Mr. Bush pushed us into war claiming Iraq harbored "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Supposedly, too, Iraq and al-Qaeda had allied themselves in attacking the U.S. on 9/11/01. And at that time didn't we all hear that, because Iraq was so rich in oil, our "Iraqi Freedom" war there was supposed to pay for itself—since we'd be harvesting their oil while at the same time protecting everybody from terrorists.

Has any of that proved true?

So now we're supposed to trust Mr. Bush and his high-monied minions on their absolute INVASION of our Treasury (consisting of our collected taxes) in the HOPE that $700 BILLION will... ... ...??? Will what?

First, what are we supposedly buying? And, second, do we even have 700-bill even ANYWHERE inside that Treasury that hasn't already been spent and/or pledged and/or flat-out owed to pay for the aforementioned war?

How did we get into this mess in the first place? As Mid Inc Rick understands it, a whole lot of panhandlers played fast and loose with mortgage financing. LOTS and LOTS of homes were sold because of snake-oil financing; to wit: ADJUSTABLE RATE MORTGAGES, which are meaning, "Hey, Mr. and Mrs. 50-Grand-A-Year, you too can live in this $800,000 upscale house, and you'll only have to pay $800 a month for the first two years, too; sign here."

Boom. The snake oil salespeople took their commissions, and the mortgage companies quickly sold these assets to mega-monstrosities like AIG and their ilk. If they noticed at all the coming doom, we're sure they all brushed it off with the notion that: "surely ALL those homes won't foreclose all at once!"

Yes they did! And now the brokers have vanished, the banks have failed, Mr. and Mrs. 50-Grand-A-Year have long since rented apartments or moved in with their relatives, the upscale houses are vacant, nobody's making any monthly payments, and AIG and their ilk on Wall Street are holding nothing of value, worthless paper, and unbalanced balance sheets.

So they all come crying to Congress.

And Congress, don't ya know, is just about all set to INVADE us! But we don't have the money!!! So the "payments" on this massive bailout "mortgage" is going to have to come... from the future! Eh?

And that's a Ponzi scheme.

This, from Wikipedia: "A Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investment operation that involves promising or paying abnormally high returns ('profits') to investors out of the money paid in by subsequent investors, rather than from net revenues generated by any real business. It is named after Charles Ponzi."

Bush is Ponzi, Congress is selling snake oil, the fat cats of Wall Street all get golden parachutes, and your grandchildren are being scammed.

Actually Bush isn't smart enough to be Ponzi. It's Paulson. Paulson, curiously enough, is head of the Treasury—but he used to be head of Goldman Sachs, yes, one of the fat cats of Wall Street. (Curiously, Mid Inc Rick just dug up something else: Mr. Paulson prior to Goldman Sachs worked for that other bottom-rated-president Richard Nixon, more specifically as assistant to Nixon's henchman John Ehrlichman. Who remembers "Watergate"?

It is Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson who actually now EXPECTS Congress to hand HIM a $700 BILLION BAILOUT CHECK for him to, what, bail with? Spend as he sees fit? To give every other financially embarrassed buddy of his on Wall Street some kind of "golden escape"?

What does, after all, the word "bail" mean? And how do we know anybody other than Wall Street fat cats will benefit? Will $700 BILLION be used in fact pay anybody's mortgage? And WHO pays back this titanic fund?

So, again, how is Paulson not a Ponzi?

Ah, but "they say" that mortgaging Wall Street will cost 'em something. They'll have to be REGULATED (we thought that that's what the SEC is supposed to already be doing) and the American taxpayer will now hold some of the "paper." (Does this mean that, once Wall Street is up and out of the red, the American taxpayer will now reap some of the profit?)

Why does this sound like "the Iraq was will pay for itself out of the oil profits"?

Why does taxpayer money being invested in private enterprise sound like "socialized banking"?

But, but, but... we thought this was capitalism! Capitalism MEANS "survival of the financial fittest," doesn't it?

Then why aren't all these financially embarrassed Wall Street fat cats in fact allowed to fail?

With them gone, cannot other more financially successful fat cats take over? Rise to the top? Keep government the hell out of private business and go on to do what capitalism does best? Give people jobs, make money, buy houses, and, yes, actually be able to PAY FOR THEM???

If this is Ponzi in action, then Bush, Paulson, Congress et al. should ALL go to prison.

If this is government stepping in and taking over, then we might as well all be living under Communism.

Which, uh, wasn't that the regime that once imprisoned Senator McCain? And now? OMG!!! HE'S VOTING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"With the new bailout plan, the U.S. dollar will be worth slightly less than a dollar in Monopoly money. And the good news? Finally energy medicine is being used to heal the financial world—we have homeopathic currency, diluted down to a mere trace of real value."

THIS IS A LITTLE LATE*, but
We'd Be All For It!!!!!!!!!

Subject: Best Idea So Far for the Economy
From: Somebody named "Birk"
Why: This was circulated over the Internet

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide adults in the U.S.A. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion; that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife jointly have $595,000.00.

Remember, this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth, let's really do it... instead of trickling out a puny $1,200.00 ( "vote buy" ) "economic stimulus" incentive.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult US Citizen 18+!!!

As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

We Deserve It Dividend MUCH more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington, DC.

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

* Unfortunately, some two weeks ago, the federal government did in fact "bail out" American International Group (AIG), once the world's largest insurer, to the big chunky tune of 85 BILLION DOLLARS. A pittance, huh? Compared to the $700 BILLION on the table right now. (Who, by the way, even has a table that big?)

But of course, as part of the (socialism?) "deal," taxpayers (or is it just Congresspeople?) now have a "79.9 percent stake in the company."

As taxpayers, don't you think—instead of this 79.9 % share—we'd each rather have the $425,000.00?

Moose Shootin' Sarah
by Chi-Chi Chooters
(with apologies to Tony Joe White and Elvis Presley)

(Intro riff Bass and Guitar)
Some of you all never been up North too much...
I'm gonna tell ya a lil' story, so's ya unnerstan whut
I'm talkin' about.
Up dere we have a corral whar alla moose is kept
'Cuz it's way too scary for 'em out inna woods
Whut wit all dem oil rigs and drillin' goin' on—
Other saved animals, too, like caribou.
'Cuz wild women make it too dang dangerous,
Which is whar our gov comes across as bein' from
Dem rigs.
She'd go in dare weekends an shoot her up a mess of it...
Carry it in her veins downtown to da gas pumps,
'cuz dat's about all da fuel dey had,
But dey done aw right.

Up 'ere in Alaska, eh
In a statehouse whar dys trubble begen
Lived a gov dat I swear y'all love
But she made a freakin' mess o' her men

Moose shootin' Sarah
Th' way ya wear yer hair, yuh
Ever buddy said it's very plain
Yur teen has a baby with no man
What a mean, kick-ass kinda woman

Ever weekend when da state would jus' cloose
To da stockyards she could go in June-eau
She would mow in a row down a mess o' big moose
An' sharpshoot a dozen caribou

Moose shootin' Sarah
Th' way ya wear yer hair, yuh
Ever buddy says it time an' agin
Your famlee mus' be livin' dere in sin

A mean, spiteful Bering Straits-shootin' riflewoman
Lawd hev mercy
Sock a little moose-shootin' to 'em
Yeah, you know what, girl
Oomp oomp

Now her partner was a no-count name McCain
Served time in a Hanoi shack
All he ever was fit for
Was bailin', den Wall Street never paid back!

Moose shootin' Sarah
Th' way ya wear yer hair, yuh
Ever buddy says it time an' agin
Da White Famlee mus' be livin' dare in sin
Chomp chomp

Sock a little moose-shootin' to 'em
Ya know brains got nuthin' ta do wit it
You sock a little
Hey, hey, hey, shoot, shoot

(Intro riff Bass and Guitar)
Cow a bung, cow a bung, cowabunga lung
Chick a boom, chick a boom, chick a boom-boom-boom
Just sock a little moose-shootin' to 'em

Ya know brains got nuthin' ta do wit it
Sock a little moose-shootin' to 'em
Ya know brains ain't got nuthin' ta do
      Whomp whomp,
      Chomp chomp,
      Oomp oomp oomp

Probably a pretty useful image soon
to be used by the "pretty image" makers:

_ _
QQ
-

Our Beloved Founder of Wall Street
Charles Ponzi
(from a 1920 police mug shot)

While a North Carolina senator in 1999, John Edwards criticized President Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky. "I think this president has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter," Edwards said. "It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen."

[A personal friend to Mid Ink Rick, who is a physician, also allowed as to how Mr. Edwards (who's infamy as hypocrite might even be overshadowed by his malevolence as attorney) first rose to fame by chasing ambulances and mercilessly, MERCILESSLY suing physicians.]

But now the Associated Press reported on August 14th that a $14,000 payment was made to John Edwards' mistress Rielle Hunter, a so-called filmmaker, by then-candidate Edwards' political action committee, but this was AFTER she'd stopped filming and AFTER she had already been paid for shooting and producing short Web movies, apparently about Edwards' campaign, to the tune of $100,000.

We like this, huh? John Edwards DENIES fathering Rielle Hunter's baby girl (born last February), and even offers to undergo a paternity test, eh? Meanwhile Mr. Edwards secretly pays money to Ms. Hunter to REFUSE to subject her kid to the paternity test.

Now we can understand how Mr. Litigious Edwards might've earned his infamy.

Quick! If she hurries, this one might be able to squeeze money out of this lovely man
just like Rielle Hunter does from her "Fool For Love"...

Dear Editor:

You're crazy! And I like it! Great work.

Kerry Trammell
Oak Ridge, TN
via e-mail

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Thanks for the e-mail, little buddy. Can you do me a BIG favor and switch from my work e-mail (this one) to my home e-mail at <snip>?

Trying to get off work e-mail and one day, I'll do it for real :-)

PS: I'll be seeing The Zombies in 2 weeks or so out at Badwater.

Cheers,

Ian Stevens
Naperville, IL
via e-mail

[Editor's note: Done, Ian. And thanks! By now, we're sure, you've seen The Zombies. But now you've got to see their store! In fact, Mid Inc Rick needs to go back and see it also! It just opened this week.]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

David here.

I'm protecting myself from receiving junk mail.

Please click the link below to complete the verification process.
You have to do this only once.

http://www.spamarrest<snip>

You are receiving this message in response to your e-mail to David, a Spam Arrest customer.

Spam Arrest requests that senders verify themselves before their e-mail is delivered.

When you click the above link, you will be taken to a page with a graphic on it. Simply read the word in the graphic, type it into the form, and you're verified.

You have to do this only once per Spam Arrest customer.

------------------------------------------------------------
Below are the complete headers of the message that this e-mail was generated in response to.

From: "Spam Arrest" apparently
Location unknown
via automatic response e-mail

[Editor's note: A sign of the times, yes? Well, we have in fact so responded, filled out the thingy, identified the whutzits, clicked on the jimminy, and thus been ushered into the Inner Sanctum. Thanks, "David"!]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

I see you're still at it.

I thought now that you are old that you would be resting in a chair with your feet up and watching the birds fly by. My son, who also has been leading a quiet living "tale" with his animals and trees— fighting the heat in sunny California—will be traveling here soon to celebrate his illustrious father's birth date, coincidental with the Fall of the Bastille in France in 1789. The French all face west toward Illinois and Joliet on their famous date and wish me well, so be nice.

Take care,

Dr. Richard Wayne Charles Francis Zalar
Joliet, IL
via e-mail

[Editor's note to this correspondent: Happy (very belated) Birthday, "Uncle Dick"! To the rest of you: Dr. Zalar isn't really Mid Inc Rick's uncle; he's the "Richard" all this is named after, and, what's more, he's the physician responsible for Mid's very birth! So, if Mid is getting "old," what's that say about Mid's, uh, mid-wife/mid-phys/mid-drop-grabber? ;-]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Good to hear from you and share your frustrations with THIS AMERICAN LIFE.

Actually, This American Life is a wonderful program I highly recommend. I'm talking about the podcast and not the televised version. But that is good too.

I'm thinking about a new venture. A few weeks ago I came upon a windfarm just across the state line in Indiana. I am thinking this is just the kind of farming a kid like me could get into. No animals to feed or slaughter, no eggs to gather or poop to scoop. All of this sounds ideal, as long as the wind is blowing, but I would worry about those days that are deathly still . . . and not a breeze. So I'm thinking—what are the subsidies like for wind farmers? And better yet, will they pay me to just NOT wind farm? And would this be called a windfarm windfall or a windfarmfall or a windfall farm? This new technology might change our lexicon as well as our farm bills.

Feel free to elaborate on that and if you want photos—I got 'em.

Maybe these windfarms would do especially well in Chicago and Springfield, where there is so much more hot air?

Well, hi ho, hi ho, it's back to werk aye go.

Dooty calls,

Therese Simoneau
Clifton, IL
via e-mail

[Editor's note: "Windfarms!" Wow! Stay tuned. More on this subject when the next subject of big federal hot air windfalls befalls....]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Some words just have that appealing effect. Thanks for the MIR #39. I am privileged to receive it free of charge—bless ees little heart and mind as the Southern Rednecks say....

As a stoker (oops, I meant token) of my respect and gratitude, I offer you gitagoing crew capabilities for VOL STATE. Will the ferry be working or will you need to start upstream and swim following the current to the other side???????

Send me dates. You may git two crew members or none; Robbie wants me to spend time with her on Pinhoti Trail, in the wilderness. But I'm trying to convince her we may do both.

Larry Robbins
(aka "gitagoing")
Kennesaw, GA
via e-mail

[Editor's note: What Larry's referring to here is crewing Mid Inc Rick during an excessively long ultramarathon run called "The Last Annual Vol-State," which, no kidding, traverses the entire state of Tennessee kitty-corner, from Missouri to Georgia. Needless to say, Mid Inc chickened out. But thanks, Larry! We appreciate your kind offer to help.]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Many and several greetings and salutations in profusion and abundance be upon your befurred appendage, sahib.

And may the pies of the sacred cows never find themselves upon the entry to your residence.

Yes, earlier today I was apprised of the demise of George Carlin, and I scribed a quasi eulogy to a close friend and aficionado over the loss.

Carlin had several early warning signals, kept working until just a few days before he had a short term final event. All in all, not a bad way to go.

This is, perhaps, the end of an era.

Other than his profanity, which was shock value—and catered to cretins in our midst (he was influenced by Lenny Bruce early in his career)—he is one of the last of a vanishing breed, the erudite stand-ups: Berman, Newhart, Smothers Brothers, Laugh-In, The Dean Martin Show, Ernie Kovacs, Gallagher, and Tim Conway.

We no longer have the "variety show" genre, no Berles, no Sullivans, no Caesars; Now we get sitcoms and non-real reality shows, and drivel.

Yes, the "Evian" ["naive" spelled backwards] thing has been going around for a long time. Wonder why "Perrier," which started earlier, never found the same success? Maybe because they had green glass bottles and not plastic?

Interesting observation, however: The plastic water bottles & similar trash thrown off the US west coast and Asian east coast continues to float in the Pacific, and now covers an accumulated area equal to the total continental US land surface!

The trash will probably be there, and increase, until a billion years from now when the landmasses crash, sometime after the next couple of ice ages. But I suspect we won't be around to watch what happens to plastic then.

Query: Since increasingly the suicide bombers in Iraq are of female persuasion, are they the virgins being sought by the male suicide bombers? Sorting out the parts must be a major challenge in the kingdom of Allah.

Sim sala bim.

Your bagwhan,

Richard H. Macknick
Lockport, IL
via e-mail

[Editor's note: Interesting query! And see elsewhere in this very issue where Effendi Macknick speaks to many and several of these very vital, global issues.]

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Rich, well done. Thanks.

Steve Pattillo
Los Alamos, NM
via e-mail

----------------------------

Dear Editor:

Hi Rich. Thanks for your e-mail; we always enjoy the e-zine!

We haven't deliberately gone incognito, just lots of phone and e-mail problems and we've changed providers and numbers again.

Patricia Heidkamp
Chicago, IL
via e-mail

[Editor's note: And thank you, Pat! Hopefully, as with this issue #40, all e-addy updates will now be in place.]

A Sweet Retirement Story...
(that has nothing to do with the impending disaster of the Social Security Ponzi Scheme)

The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local coffee shop for a snack.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket.

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a "Nazi."

So I proceeded to call him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that said, "McCain '08."

Anyway, there actually were Olympics...

...and we actually liked this 40-something, armed with two guns, hot mama the best:

Inestimable Effendi Speaks

by Richard Macknick,
Non Muslim

THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLES:

That $700,000,000,000 Bailout

That works out to about $2,250.00 for each US citizen, including each newborn, and invalid, and mentally incompetent, & including members of Congress, and the Chicago City Council.

The current debt obligation of the US is over $32,000.00 for each citizen.

By that comparison, the financial industry bailout is less per capita than the Stroger Cook County bailout, which increased the local sales tax to the highest in the USA.

How did we get into this mess?

Well, in Cook County, it's obvious the local political machine raked in all the meat & potatoes & gravy, and are clamoring for more. But for the USA, financial backers & speculators reaped the rewards (taxpayers did not; they had real estate tax increases). Backers & speculators agreed to provide funding to buy up residential loans, on a volume basis, and assume the risk in expectation that the real estate values would continue to rise.

So the banks were not taking a risk by giving loans , interest only, little or no down payment, adjustable rate mortgages; to people who obviously could not afford those mortgages once the upward rate adjustment & need to pay down the principal kicked in.

And the banks would accept inflated value appraisals, which the property value could not support, and the banks and financial entrepreneurs eagerly provided home equity loans, and TV/radio commercials to "tap home equity" filled the airwaves (and still do).

For a while, home builders prospered (but are now going belly up). For a while, brokers prospered (days like that are going to be gone for years & years). For a while, high end retailers prospered (but without home equity loans, that dried up). For a while homeowners had money to burn (now they have foreclosures and "arson").

The banks that didn't offload their residential mortgages, or bought those of other banks, no longer have money to lend; credit has dried up.

So now, to ameliorate the crisis in financial markets our government proposes that the US take over the financial debts of the organizations who profited greatly in the past; and set up a Federal Oversight Committee to monitor future operations of the financial organizations, and those assets will ultimately be sold off to fund taxpayer reimbursement).

Creating another bureaucracy will cost hundreds of millions every year, and, once created, will entrench highly compensated payroller staff and never go away.

Another alternative is for the US Treasury to crank up the printing presses and churn out bills which have no backing. (Germany tried that some 60 years ago; workers had to get paychecks twice a day so they could buy some food before their money became worthless. Can't happen again? Zimbabwe recently began issuing $1,000,000,000 bills for everyday transactions.)

Basically, churning out bills causes runaway inflation, bankrupting retirees on fixed income or pension, and starving them to death before Social Security payments can adjust. The financial backers & speculators initially took the risk and are now expecting us to pay for it.

Well, if I go to the blackjack table for high rollers, I'm taking a risk; if I lose it all, can I get relief from the taxpayers?

Financial backers & speculators are going to get just that with the bailout!

For Openers For The Bailout:

The first funding for the bailout rescue should come from those who raped the most profit.

For openers, confiscate the assets and property of each and every CEO and executive of each and every financial backer and speculator over which the US has jurisdiction (huge, huge financing was from overseas) and use those assets as the threshold dollars for the rescue, and let those CEOs and executives live like the rest of us try to do in order to survive.

Is it worth $2,250.00 per person to restore your 401k or other assets to the levels they were at a year ago?

Sure.

Is it equitable to have the financial backers and speculators who caused this crisis walk away with exoneration & new financing?

No way.

And I believe there are, or can be, spaces available where they can join former Illinois George Ryan and spend their remaining days with him in federal prison.

Like it or not, some form of bailout will happen. So buckle up your belt, Sparky. There will be a wild ride.

Concerned About the Environment?

Global warming get lots of media time, killing a lot of trees to get the message to us.

The message somehow doesn't get through to China, where they have an average of a dozen coal miners die each week while digging out air polluting fuel for their coal fired power plants.

Nor does the message reach the Amazon Rainforest, where thousands of acres are lost every day to foresting and clear-cutting for farmland use.

Nor does the message seem to get through to those who drive gas guzzlers, or run their air conditioners while they leave their windows open; nor even to those who exercise the paper or plastic option at the grocery store.

Whaaaaaaaaaat? Paper or plastic compares to burning coal or clearing a rainforest?

Damn straight it does.

There's more than enough plastic bottles and bags floating around in the Pacific Ocean to bury the entire state of Texas under 6 feet of detritus.

For those of you who think that would be a great idea, please gather up the stuff floating on the Pacific and haul it where you think it would do the most good.

Realize, however, that more than 90% of the plastic that has ever been produced is still around somewhere. And what are any of us, individually, doing to help reduce global pollution?

Just check out your neighborhood on trash day. Are recycling bins used at every home?

Are air conditioners running when it's less than 80 degrees?

Are there ATVs and/or snowmobiles?

Check out the grocery store next time you go. Is there a car with the engine running, waiting for someone in the fire lane?

Is anyone bringing his or her own reusable grocery bags? Are you?

No one can individually save the environment for our children and grandchildren and their children, but each of us can do a little, and every little bit can help.

Now this:

There is an enterprise in the United Kingdom titled

BARGAIN BOOZE

which carries the following slogan:

MAKING LIFE RICHER FOR THE POURER

Now how 'bout that?

Everytime's Repeated Media Message:
----------------------------------------------------

It's no secret that one of America's most inventive founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin, got his first real "break" in the media not by pandering to the tastes of those old stodgy publishers of his time, but by coming up with something completely different all on his own. He published a simple one-page annual periodical called "Poor Richard's Almanack" and sold it along the streets and rivers of the colonies for a penny apiece. And it thrived as a business for the next twenty-five years. So now, some two-hundred seventy-odd years later, you get "Middle Income Richard's Third Millennium Almanack" soon to be selling along the buy-ways and Java-streams of the Internet for a buck a copy, especially now that it's been miraculously, and successfully, installed on a website. And for that Mid Inc Rick owes a huge debt of gratitude to D.C. Lundell and Gillian Robinson, owners and founders of ZombieRunner.com.

So far, for the past zillion issues, this e-rag's been free. But before the next zillion are published, this particular freedom of yours might somehow be taken away; and you'll be asked to cough up with as many as twelve U.S. dollars, via credit card or otherwise, to that nutty parent company called C. C. Writers, at P.O. Box 963, Matteson, IL 60443 USA.

In the meantime, however, please don't take all this technological wizardry for granted. You have our permission and supplications to continue sending in your cards, letters, ads, "subtracts," encouragements, detractions, and good ol' coin o' the realm in the form of U$A one-dollar bills to the above-mentioned post office box; and you're also invited to thoroughly search through everything offered by MIR's hosts, the Zombies, on their truly awesome website. And finally, of course, Uncle Ben Franklin's weird and most strangely distant cousin M.I. Richard thanks you very much.

* * * * *

Oh, and keep thinking "green" to help save our environment by promoting paperless publishing!!!

And, hey, It's OK. Go ahead and forward this link to a friend!

TWO SHOOTERS
THAT GIVE US TROUBLE. . .

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

( ô-ô )
o

Whoa!

Show Support For
Your Candidate!

There is less than one month until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States.

The person elected will be the president of ALL Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.

It is a time when we all need to come together in a bipartisan effort for America's future.

If you support BARACK OBAMA, please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support JOHN McCAIN, please drive with your headlights off at night.

Thank You.

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

Yankee Folly of the Day:
--------------------------

[In honor of that dearly beloved financial firm of Bush, Paulson, Congress & Associates]

Imagine throwing 700 billion dollars after 85 billion dollars. This is, like, "good money after bad," or just plain economic suicide?

[If this is Merrill, it should be Lynched]

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

And now,
in honor of that wildly popular
Olympic Summer Game of Beach Volleyball:

Right again! That's no bikini; it's bodypaint.

I sit with the Mumbled Thickies
On Geritol Beach,
While the Fatted Crackies go crackering by;
I bumble with the Biggie Bagels
That frizzle with the sizzle from up in the sky.

I glaze with Gurgling Gigglies
On Cardiac Beach,
Whimming for the Swimmees who chorkle and wheeze;
But I’m just flopping with the Flabbies
That bibble and babble in the bifocal breeze.

I toast with the Moldy Fogies
On Decrepit Beach,
Bobbing for the Boaties pound-bounding the Blue;
Still I’m a Standee with the Sandees
More mooging for meaning and remembering you.

“Oh, stop baking with the Burnies
On Bald-Headed Beach!
Have quit with the Gigglies who snigger and sneeze!

Be no more Standees and no more Sandees,
And no more Swimmees who chorkle and wheeze.”

(This [in ever so slightly different form] was actually published [after the poet first of course paid his fee to be] in the American Poetry Anthology, Vol. VI, No. 5, 1986, on page 423.)

( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ ) ( @-@ )

"I won't be happy until I'm as famous as God."

—Madonna

#####################################################################################

"If you were a great fan of a gambler in Vegas, but he lost all his money, how likely would you then be to quickly take out a 700-billion-dollar loan for yourself and just give it to him?"

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

From the Department of Bumper Sticklers:

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; but on the few occasions when the phone did ring, her dog always moaned right before it rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

HERE'S YOUR BUBBLE-HEAD:

"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde—like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana—and right now, I'm that icon!"

                                       —Paris Hilton
                                                           (quoted in the British Sunday Times
                                                            on July 16, 2006)

Coming to you exclusively now
from Middle Income Richard's...

INSPIRING SIGNS!

...yeah, well, there could be whole new reasons why church attendance is down in these towns:

And now for something completely different...

How about Hurricane Ike?

This was an "upscale house" 80 miles inland from Galveston's shore.

And THIS was "stuck" by Ike in West Orange, TX. That must be why they're called "hurricane fences," huh?

Mid Ink Rick now offers another
Photo ID Guessing Game "contest"

(Your prize for guessing correctly? Hey, just like the Fed does it: your grandchildren will pay for your instant gratification. Far be it from Mid not to follow good example!)

WHAT IS THIS?

Your other challenge is to figure out where exactly to submit your guesswork and, no, it's not Zombie headquarters!

And, while we're asking, what's THIS as well?

And finally, how about THIS???

"Clearly the trick in life is to die young as late as possible."

—William Sloane Coffin
(note the last name)

So here at last is that
"Bat Out Of Hell"

And, yo, it's the first time since 1906 that both Chicago teams made it to the post season.

World Series 2008:

Do we... um... DARE even think it?

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop"...
--Lewis Carroll, from Alice in Wonderland

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." --Albert Einstein

Photo credits for this issue (top to bottom): 1) dropping leaves (clipart); 2) worried Washington on dollar (unknown Internet source); 3) house of paper dollars (clipart); 4) bailout protests on Wall Street, NYC (Jeremy Scahill at AlterNet.com); 5) apparent nuclear bomb depiction (on 8-18-07 by AOL News Photo); 6) "Caribou Barbie" (unknown Internet source); 7) NY Times front page mockup on Bullwinkle (unknown Internet source); 8) painted female foot as if shod with high-heeled pump (Tom Schierlitz, NY Magazine); 9) Charles Ponzi mug shot (Wikipedia); 10) Amy Winehouse & Mick Jagger at Wight Festival, UK (Getty Images); 11) tattooed backside of Olympian Linda Zublin, Switzerland heptathlete (Gabriel Bouys, AFP); 12) Beijing Olympics montage (Yahoo Sports); 13) Dara Torres, USA swimmer (in 8/08 by Reuters); 14) Rielle Hunter, filmmaker (Chuck Olsen, AP); 15) Sarah Palin as shooter mockup (unknown Internet source); 16) Marisa Miller in bodypaint being photographed (Grant photo, 2008,Sports Illustrated/SI.com); 17) supposed bulletin board tear-off advertisement (apparently Watchersweb.com); 18) apparent Catholic church sign of Galveston-Houston Diocese (unknown Internet source); 19) neighborhood home damaged by Hurricane Ike (courtesy Lynnor Matheney, The Woodlands, TX); 20) fish caught in fence at West Orange, TX, after Hurricane Ike (Eric Gay, AP); 21) subject matter & photo credit info withheld until next edition of MIR; 22) bicycle with shoes for wheels (!) at annual Tour de Fat 2008 biking event in Ft. Collins, CO (courtesy Lisa Butler, MD); 23) "Your Dirty Mind" photo of globe lamp (unknown Internet source); 24) "Bat Out of Hell" depiction of baseball bat flying toward seated crowd in grandstands (unknown Internet source); 25) both Chicago White Sox and Chicago Cubs images of trademarked logos from their respective websites; 26) (just below) supposed team of unclothed male soccer players (unknown Internet source).

Hey, Isn't It Football Season?

(Here's how to get women to like watching football :)

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

[Middle Income Richard's will return
at some as yet unimaginable, non-specific, and
similarly improbable opportunity in the future]